Sad

Today is a sad day for me. Partly because I'm sick. Partly because my husband is gone, and there is underlying worry for me whenever he travels. But mostly, today I'm sad because my dad had to help bury an 8 year old girl. Pastors have a lot of jobs. He was able to do part of our wedding, and he's done lots of joyous things in his line of work. One of the best, I think, is doing baby dedications. We're lucky enough to have two pastor/dads in our family - Shawn's dad dedicated Jackson right before we moved here, and my dad has been able to dedicate Aidan and Chloe. He also dedicated Rachel, the girl he helped to bury today, just under 8 years ago. He was there to encourage a church family to pray for her, for her family, to encourage them and support them. How could he guess that this short time later, he'd be helping to celebrate that life that was cut short. It's just so.....sad.

Does it make me question? Of course. Do I know that my faith is big enough to encompass it? I do. But there is a lingering sadness in any mommy's heart when we hear that one of our own has lost the thing we KNOW is most precious to them. It makes me want to be better than I am. It makes me want to ignore the bickering, poking, screaming and yelling. It makes me want to praise more, tousle hair more, pull them down onto the couch for lap-sits and snuggles more often. It makes me want to breathe in their scents and never, ever forget what they smell like. Because it can all be gone in a flash, and I don't want to have wasted a minute.